chipspeech and me
suicide, grooming, fandom toxicity - this is a more upd8ted post of the one i made in 2023
┤ chipspeech and me ┤
trauma day ramblings >:o/
if you've stuck around with me for long enough, you'll know that i am a chipspeech fandomer. why is this so important?? why am i still there, despite everything?? i'll go into that in this entry.
let's go to where my interest all started. so, june/july 2020. after stumbling across this one person's twitter, i decided to follow them (i was having a big TTS voice phase so). a little while later, art from somewhere i recognised started to appear on my feed!! i took notice of the tag: chipspeech.
i don't think i paid too much attention to it... until i saw vosim art. that's when it all clicked. i think there was like. only one recent vosim art in the chip tag at the time?? the rest was just rert (rotten.st x bert gotrax) art. after realising i had found the source of the character that made me feel like i was in autism heaven, i was a little confused. why was nobody giving vosim as much attention like they were to bert and rotten?? i later stumbled across the chiptwts + followed every single one of them, vosim being the first one i followed. and that was that.
fast forward to october 2020 - the month i properly witnessed the chiptwts in action. my ex and i were REALLY into the chiptwt roleplay, and my ex knew i LOVED vosim to pieces, so. october 8th 2020 (another trauma day!!) was the day dee found vosim pretty much dead in a cafe (9 months before, there was an emp blast that fucked everything up), october 10th 2020 was when vosim was fixed + thought dee had abandoned them for those 9 months (that shit was HEARTBREAKING!!). my response to this??? "the return of the spoon king is now". LOL
you'd think i was in the fandom by now. NOPE. i didn't join until late 2021!! and knowing now what had happened to the chiptwt mods behind the scenes (click here and here for info about that)... i don't think i would've coped back then had i joined at that time. my gut smelt something was up before my brain did JFLJKLFKJLFJKL
when i first properly joined, shit was alright at first!! i thought i had finally found a place for me to rest in, i was in a community with like. 6 or 7 active people, we were closely knit, we knew eachother, yadda yadda yadda.
well. that was, until a certain bitch decided to interfere.
y'all might have seen me talk about this person before, gl1tchygreml1n. well, she's my abuser (i'll clarify why in a sec), as well as an abuser to the chipspeech fandom, a transphobic manipulative asshole... the most unpleasant person to be around. she had caused hell to the chip fandom for like. a year and a half by the time i joined?? i dunno.
so, sometime in february 2022, she made a half-assed apology; fuck, it wasn't even an apology!! it was moreso her trying to excuse her actions. admittedly, i almost fell for this. luckily, i had people quickly knock sense into me, so all was good. well, not everything was good, cuz a couple weeks later, hell spawned into the fandom. a member called her out and said they didn't forgive her, and that poor person had gremlin's cronies literally jump them. it SUCKED. i was 15 at the time, btw.
shit started to affect me PROPERLY in june 2022. a month before, i befriended someone called "yuzu" (in quotes because this was gremlin hiding on an alt, will get into that later). we got along nicely, we talked a lot, we interacted from eachother, yadda yadda yadda. we'd talk about our problems a lot, they'd comfort me when i was stressed (especially so because i was doing gcses at the time), yknow.
shit went down the day after my birthday (june 9th, so as of typing it's been two whole years since that shit went down!!) - tl;dr "yuzu" told me during an unrelated convo that the fandom blocked them cuz they shared something from gremlin (again i didnt know yuzu was gremlin), i tried to explain why + they attempted to make me feel guilty about it + was really pushy to get me to talk to the people who had blocked them to unblock them, i blocked them, they dropped a whole vent + it ruined me. wow. basically she pretended to be a minor to befriend me, then fucked me up entirely after i got away from her. i didn't know this was gremlin until one of her ex-friends revealed what she did!!! i was 16 when gremlin ruined me, btw. barely 16. she chucked me into a very deep depression that took me MONTHS to get out of :o/
click here for the full thing (you'll need to scroll down because its a reblog of gremlin's shitty "response") lol
luckily, gremlin did get shunned out from the chip fandom. cancelled, even. THANK GOD. however, the damage is still there + the whole fandom is still trying to fix it lol
gremlin has a LOT to answer for here, this shit goes back all the way to 2020. wowee.
now, why am i still in the fandom, you might wonder???
nowadays, i interact with chipspeech through my friend heb's chipjinka office au (CLICK!!!! HERE!!!!!!!!! NEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!), not through the normal characters. i separated the jinks from chipspeech LOOOOONG before my trauma could :oP
the main reason is that i have tried to leave before, but it's all lead to me just. spiralling. i'm not ready to properly disconnect, yet. i DO have another fandom, the sovstuck fandom, to turn to now (and, tbh, it's a LOT better there than it is in chip), ive learnt to interact with chip when i want to, so now i'm not like. chronically in the chip fandom now lol
i hold chipspeech very very close to me, despite everything. although the fandom did ruin me... it did kinda save me from suicide back in 2021. i was in a rough spot in 2021, personal shit, school shit, blah. this fandom made me survive for a lot longer JKJSKJSFKJ (also. vosim in my brain. i don't know what he is, but all i know is that he's mostly comforting. as of typing i havent properly heard from him) to anyone who's read all of this, well, uh. wow. cool. good luck understanding any of this :oP
(oh yeah. as for today + tomorrow... well, i feel a lot better about it. shit's gonna be okay. i have the sovstuck fandom now. <3)